Graduate School #2: Midterms and Fall Break

     One thing that has never changed for me between undergraduate and graduate school is that realizing that it's time for midterms never fails to shock me. Where did the time go? Didn't time used to go slower than this? I know I've been studying and doing my other assignments, but...it can't be time for midterms already, can it?
     Oh, it can. And it is.
     I'm still flabbergasted. Ever. Single. Time.
     I've finished one of my midterms already, and my other midterm was just released on Sunday, but because I have a full-time job, I was working on Sunday (luckily, during the slow hours I was able to work on a quiz that was due that night and then stayed after work to finish it). Since this "weekend" (this Monday and Tuesday) was Fall Break, I decided I definitely needed a break to step back and let myself breathe for a moment. Folklore Fiancé encouraged me to do so, too, because they indicated that I've been overstressing and overworking myself lately (get yourself an S.O. who's both supportive and not afraid to call you out).
     Since my work schedule is Wednesday-Sunday, going to class on Monday and Tuesday worked perfectly for me, even though I'm in a different time zone. However, Folklore Fiancé reminded me that with this schedule, I really don't have a day off. I'm going, going, going for seven days a week without a break in between. Now, as much as I would like to just focus on my degree and nothing else, I, unfortunately, have a lot of bills to pay and with the position I have now, I'm learning a lot of valuable skills which will be helpful to me both for my Ph.D. program and my professional goals.
     So, I decided that I might look over or perhaps outline some of my midterm this weekend, but I wasn't going to let myself overstress about it. Part of the reason I'm so stressed out is that I'm used to being in programs where I could obsessively check my scores on my assignments, but there's no way for me to see my grades in the system we're currently using, and it's not doing my anxiety any favors. My last program used Canvas, so I was able to see my grades all semester as soon as my professor entered them in and we would see our averages.
     We don't have anything like that in my current program because we're doing everything through OneNote.
     Honestly, I don't mind using OneNote for the courses and assignments. It's a skill I didn't have before and can now say I've mastered, but the lack of access to grades has shot my anxiety through the roof. So, I definitely needed a break, especially after a full week of panicking about my History of Latin Literature exam.
     The last two days have been great. Yesterday, Folklore Fiancé and I got up, went to Starbucks, grabbed some croissants from Albertson's (neither of us is overly fond of the Starbucks food), and had our breakfast in the park. We came home and watched a movie, ate lunch, and I just generally got to spend some time with them without having to worry about work, homework, or class. Today, we got up, and I drove them to an appointment, and then we went on a small adventure. Folklore Fiancé had been craving sushi a lot, so we ventured to Japan Creek (a small Japanese store near us) to get them some good sushi, and we picked up some snacks as well. They ended up getting onigiri with salmon instead and a red bean bun for dessert. I'm allergic to fish, so I didn't get any of that, but I got a chocolate dessert bun, and then we headed to Albertson's (again) to get cases of water, some food for dinner, and then left to get me Capriotti's. (I had begun to get extra cranky by this point because it was past one o'clock and I was hungry). We had Ichiban ramen for dinner with stir-fry beef, Green Tea flavored Hello Panda cookies for dessert, and have been watching YouTube for a few hours.
     Thank the gods for Folklore Fiancé, who reminds me that I need to take a breather every once in a while. I'm recharged and feel more ready to go to work and dive back into my schoolwork tomorrow.

Graduate School #1: The Search, Acceptance, and Impostor Syndrome

     One of the most challenging things for me was finding a graduate program in the Classics. Due to my limited resources and because I currently hold a full-time permanent job in a museum, I was not able to move out of the state for a two-year program. I didn't want to risk not finding another job in my field or trying to figure out where I was going to live once I had completed the program (Folklore Fiancé and I are currently staying with their family). Since I had attended my first Master of Arts program online, I figured that attending a Classics/Classical Studies degree online would be doable as well.

     There was just one issue - I had never heard of any university offer Classics or Classical-related (e.g., Ancient History) graduate degrees online. Sure, some for-profit universities had programs, but I wanted to go to a not-for-profit and well-respected university if I was going to spend all that money for a second degree. There were some schools I considered in the United Kingdom, but I wanted to try and find a school in the United States if I could because international tuition can be brutal. The amount of research I put in to find a degree program that fit my criteria may make some peoples' head spin; one method was opening the Wikipedia lists of universities and colleges in each individual state. Another was going through the list from the Department of Education.

     It was quite time-consuming.

     However, once I had found a few options, I began to e-mail a lot of the department heads and other professors who were in the department. Most of the schools had a graduate program in History, with only a few offerings for ancient courses. All of those programs were general Master of Arts degrees. The University of Georgia offers a Post-Baccalaureate in Classical Languages, so that was one of my options as well, but I was aiming for a full Master's program, so this became my backup plan. I reasoned that if I did not get accepted to any programs, I could enroll in the Post-Bacc to keep up with my field and the next round of applications might go better.

     The discovery of the program at Villanova University felt like a sign from the gods - this was the only non-profit university I found that offered Classical Studies as a distance program. Some of the courses are taught solely online, but others are a mix of in-person students and online students. This sounded like a well-fitted program since the History programs had perhaps two or three courses focusing on ancient historical subject matter, Villanova moved to the top of my list.

     The e-mails I exchanged with Dr. DeNardis about the program made me even more eager to attend the school. I decided that I would apply to both Villanova and the University of Georgia for the Post-Bacc program. I spent the better half of two months going back and forth with two friends who were helping me with my Statement of Purpose for Villanova. Of course, if you follow me here or on any other platform, you know that I've gotten into Villanova. However, there are some interesting in-betweens I haven't elaborated on yet. During my exchange with Dr. DeNardis, I asked if the online students were eligible for the Tuition Scholarship, and she said yes, and I just had to attach a writing sample, so I did (my particular paper was an interdisciplinary paper on Percy Jackson, more on that later).
     Once I had gotten accepted into Villanova, I canceled my application for the University of Georgia Post-Bacc and refocused my energy on the current program I was in and continued to prepare for the archaeological field school I would be attending in the summer. Due to the number of people who applied to the program, I did not receive the Tuition Scholarship. I had other options, which I decided to tackle later (but would have rather not had to resort to loans again). The rest of the semester flew by, and I received my first Master of Arts degree in May. Then, Folklore Fiancé and I had to move during the beginning of the summer, and we got rather busy.
     One fateful day, I was checking my e-mail and saw that during the second round, I had been offered the Tuition Scholarship! I was ecstatic! However, I had missed the e-mail by a week or so, and it was past the deadline that she indicated I should respond. I freaked out, I e-mailed her back, indicated that, yes, please, I would be absolutely ecstatic to receive the scholarship. The next day, I called her office and repeated my plea. Another call and e-mail later, I found that I had still received the scholarship. It was one of the best feelings, knowing I would be able to afford my degree. It was one of the issues I knew I would face if I didn't get the scholarship since Master of Arts degrees aren't usually funded, so I was lucky.
     Before I knew it, I was about to have my first class.
     And I had a violent panic attack about it.
     The longer I was in class, the more I panicked right before my class time started. The people in my courses knew a lot. A lot of them are already Latin teachers and have been for some time; this made me feel like I was really out of my element. (Even though I know there is a lot more of Latin to explore, and the Roman empire was quite a long period of time, I do know more about Greek history and literature than I do for Roman...) My classmates are quite intelligent, which makes sense, but I felt extremely odd being in class with them. I felt like I couldn't contribute anything. I felt like I didn't know enough.
     I felt like an impostor.
     It had been quite a while since the last time I felt impostor syndrome. Apparently, there are different types of "impostors," and according to the way I am, I'm something called "The Expert." Once I started opening up about it, though, a lot of my friends (especially one who is in Scotland for her Paleontology Ph.D.!) were reassuring. So, remember, if you're a student at any level and feel like you don't deserve what you've been given (me, with my Tuition Scholarship when I heard my classmates in discussion) or that you feel like you should know more:

• You're a student for a reason, you're not supposed to know everything yet! Just study hard and do your best.
• You deserve your scholarship/funding/internship - you were given it for a reason. Keep up the good work!

     It's taken me a little time, and I'm working on it, but I know I belong there. There's a reason I was accepted into the university. There's a reason why I received the scholarship, even if it was in the second round. I just have to remind myself of my goals and why I'm there. I'm a student. I'm not supposed to know everything yet. This is a chance for me to learn, grow, better myself, and possibly discover new parts of the ancient world that interest me that I didn't get exposed to as an undergrad. Things can only improve from here!